Unlike the previous one, this page is not cluttered or crowded. There is my college diploma with the major listed as International Relations; however, the name of the school is obscure. The remainder of the page is a series of frames and borders with simple captions underneath.
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Without the photographs, the descriptions are cryptic. For now, that second page is incomplete because I have no precise itinerary for my future. The red flags on the map represent the places I will travel to, possibly to teach English like I did in Cambodia or to do charity work with children like I did in Guatemala. As for the empty frames, I hope to fill them with the people I will meet: a family of my own and the families I desire to help, through a career I have yet to decide.
Until I am able to do all that, I can prepare. Check out the opening paragraph of the Scrapbook essay again. It reads like the opening to a movie. Take a look at the particular objects the writer chose:. She keeps clothes for a long time; she likes to be comfortable. What does "Levi's" suggest? She's not obsessed with neatness. Family is really important to her. Fireplace: What does a fireplace connote? Warmth, closeness. My brother's hot cocoa: Why hot cocoa?
Again, warmth. How is the fact that her brother made it change the image? It implies that her brother is engaged in the family activity. Do you think she likes her brother? Would your brother make hot cocoa for you? And finally:.
Listening to rain: Why not watching TV? What does it tell you about this family that they sit and listen to rain together? Taken together, they create an essence image. Quick: What essence image describes your family? Even if you have a non-traditional family—in fact, especially if you have a non-traditional family! Based on the image the writer uses, how would you describe her relationship with her family? We know all we need to know.
Did you notice how clearly she set up the idea of the scrapbook at the beginning of the essay? Look at the last sentence of the second paragraph bolded below :. The sentence in bold above is essentially her thesis. It explains the framework for the whole essay.
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She follows this sentence with:. Super clear. Even a personal statement can have a thesis.
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We need to trust that this is going to be worth our time. Showing before telling gives your reader a chance to interpret the meaning of your images before you do. Why is this good? It provides a little suspense. Note that it's all "show.dojoxaxihiko.tk
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As we read, we wonder: what do all these objects mean? That second page is incomplete because I have no precise itinerary for my future. Showing then telling gives you an opportunity to set-up your essay for what I believe to be the single most important element to any personal statement: insight. What is insight? Insight answers the question: So what? Not throughout your whole essay; a couple times will do. Can you cut it in half without changing the meaning? Over the course of the six weeks, I became very familiar with playing the cello, the flute, the trumpet, and the marimba in the morning session while I continually learned how to play the acoustic guitar in the afternoon sessions.
Wait, actually try cutting this in your mind before scrolling down. See how concise you can get it. In six weeks, I learned the cello, flute, trumpet, and marimba in the mornings and acoustic guitar in the afternoons. Option 1. If you find yourself trying to pack a lot into one sentence, just use two.
Two sentences work just as well, and require no extra words. In the example above, the author could write:. I also look forward to pursuing other , more unconventional, academic interests, such as ancient history and etymology through the first year seminars. Option 2: Just trim the first half of the sentence to its essence, or cut most of it.
At Brown I look forward to pursuing a double concentration in both public health and business, while also tapping into other, more unconventional academic interests, such as ancient history and etymology. This video is made using InVideo video maker.
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